eenie MEANIE minee moe

BLOG: You have got to stop writing about the library.
ME: say huh?
BLOG: You heard me....library this, library that...i've escaped, take my ass back. blah blah blah...
ME: don't b an ass
BLOG: u need an ass...whoopin that is...
ME: says u
BLOG: says me
ME: enough already
BLOG: so, u at least get a ride to your car from that guy again?
ME: yep, i suuuuuuure did.

words to live by

prepare a dinner of fish for your teenage sisters and they will ask for chicken. teach them how to fish adn they will pout & bite your head off.

BUT, send them both new camera phones and they will call you 4 (sometimes more) times a day to tell you how much they love you and to drive safe.

guilty, as charged

so i'm home now. no need to alert the authorities, as i will be returning to the library tomorrow. it's a smart entity, as it keeps what i refer to as "student" hours. it closes at 5pm on friday (what student is at the library on friday nite?). it opens 10-5PM on saturday. again, it's the weekend. then it's full speed ahead on sunday all the way til midnite. yep, i'll be on that loveboat tomorrow.

kept losing my concentration while i was trying to read today, not counting the time i fell asleep (twice). i remembered when i was little i told everyone i was allergic to chocolate and i wanted to be a chinese body builder when i grew up. maybe i was just covering my ass at an early age so that i never let anyone down. unless, of course, onlookers now think i am a complete failure for not becoming chinese...

library arrest

if anyone needs me, then I'm in the library. and, if you go to the library and i am not there, then find me and take me back. as i have probably escaped...

goosebumps

another nite for sleeping, but no such luck. apparently, though i am an extreme skeptic of anything, i still let thoughts overcome & consume me...
see, last nite at work, my friend & i were talking and she got on the subject of spirits, etc (conversation was a result of stupid halloween thing on radio station in the background...)
she started talking about yuigi boards and how they are bad spirits b/c they try to deceive people. And they also give out any answer that a person asks; whether it's the truth or not. i basically said that was BS, there's a reason for everything. Then, i went home to my cold, quiet apartment and thought i saw things for most of teh nite!! go fig.
I amazed her with this one story that i thought nothing of.
see, when i was little, i would sometimes dream that i found coins. Without fail, when i would have this dream, I would wake up and find a canadian penny on the floor by my bed. i remember it happened several times at my house and once at my grandparents. weird, only b/c no one could tell me where it was from. wonder if that freaked my mom out? i really didn't read into it too much, and it only happened a couple of times. ...maybe my guardian spirit realizes a lost cause when they see one! ...or maybe canada needed them more? who knows...
I also remember, once i dreamt i was finding dollars on the floor. my mom woke me up to see what was going on in my head cuz i was about 10 years old and sleep-crawling around the floor. i told her about my dream and she told me that it meant i was being greedy and i shouldn't have tried to pick them all up! oh well, i was a kid. i was being capitalistic at an early age, she should have been proud.
alas, enough about my childhood dreams, as a scairdy-cat skeptic is what i shall remain...

mi corazon, mi corazon

contrary to the ordinary, this morning's parking lot adventures yielded some much needed distractions. Friday's always a good parking day, as no one prefers to attend class on this day. Therefore, spaces galore.
After i begin my tour de france length walk to the building, this guy flies by me. on legs, mind you, not in a car. i notice it's one of the little student workers turned career in the systems department. Him & his little girlfriend both work there and they respond to system problems together. they call it "bouncing ideas off one another". i've always had a desire to bang their heads together real softly and say "doooosh". just because of the way they stand and look. it's like the head hit would be the next logical progression in their body language evolution. and i really am a super nice person...
so he passes, then my mind begins to wonder to this poem i had to memorize for spanish class in junior high or high school, not quite sure. I performed perfectly years ago, though i couldn't have told you what i was saying. that was fine though, as my teacher was the permanent teacher version of Peggy Hill (Arlin's - BOO YEAH - boggle champion). btw, that's a good cartoon. yup.
this morning, my mind could only remember the beginning..."mi corazon, mi corazon." lucky i even got that far.
next, i assume b/c of this weekend's "holiday", i pass 3 M&M's. they were not your typical M&M's. 2 looked mad and 1 just looked. M&M's should be happier than that. well, unless they are mint M&M's. it would suck to be a mint M&M.

no wonder i'm so tired...

in bed by 3:30 this morning, then i was standing in line at the post office by 9. didn't even register til now...

maybe it's the rain. i really thought i lived in CA, but i've been wrong before.

i am constantly consumed by thoughts; of people, of places, and imaginary visions. sometimes, I wonder if random people think of me as well.

and, for some odd reason, if the post office can't find a package that their system shows has been delivered, then it is usually DHL's fault. or so i've heard...

so, what's it all about anyway?

good thing i never got around to washing my car...just my luck. i think about it yesterday, then it pours rain all nite long. that cannot possibly happen to everyone every single time. wait, but i'm not everyone. therefore, mystery solved...thanks scooby-doo (btw, where r u?)

so what's it all about today? (it's like i can read your mind...) it should be all about the exam i'm facing tonite. instead my mind is everywhere.

and, even better, my cell phone's SIM card (advanced technology, my ass) did not retain any of my numbers saved since my last cell phone upgrade. and it's also decided to ring at will and not ring when it's supposed to. somehow, i don't think this is the end, but rather the beginning of a very strange adventure in the relationship between a random girl and her new exoskeleton of a phone.

i met 2 nice girls in my part time self-induced shuttle business this morning. the count now stands at 3 nice girls and 2 nice guys. they were happy on this rainy day to get a ride.

he makes me wanna wash my car

the bureaucratics of my school annoy me. maybe i should just give in and jump thru their hoops, but, then again, i really don't want that to be on my E! True Hollywood stories segment. it will be embarassing enough without that..."tell us again, how did you manage to bump your head on the open dishwasher door while crawling under it to clean up the pasta you spilled all over the floor?"
oh, and apparently, i have no heart (i bet science can't wait to get their hands on me). If i hear one more reference to this statement or any mention of my "cold heart", i'll ...ummm....what the hell, i'll probablty just take a nap.
("damn, girl, it's cold in here, button your shirt...") ...and u wonder why they're all ex's now...
the title? yeah, this guy looks cute to me now, but i liked his car 1st, so i don't know if my brain is playing tricks on me with the connection...(beer goggles, anyone?)...oh well, maybe he likes my car too...

fool me once, fool

ahhh, t-mobile, my worthy opponent, you may have won the battle, but the war has just begun!
so, i finally received my replacement phone, which shall henceforth be known as the "exoskeleton". I arrive home near midnite (the bewitchin hour? how appropriate...) to find a note on my door. lovely, it's from my injured-animal-adopting-pothead neighbor, aka the assistant manager for the complex. Lucky for me, she put down her bong/pipe to notice that the mailman (through rain, sleet, snow, and dogs) had just placed a package outside my door.....err, on the damn sidewalk basically. she hands me the package in disbelief about how she found it (or maybe in disbelief about the reefer-induced paranoia taking place behind her eyes...). then she says, "this is a shoddy wrapping job, too." whew, she covered her ass for trying to open it! blame it on the sender! ...though it was a pretty shoddy job.
i return to my apartment to see what the cell phone fairy has delivered and (gasp!!) it's an exoskeleton of my same damn phone. how economical.
i guess as long as it works i will be fine...
kinda funny that today, the same day, i easily upgraded (for free) both of my sisters' cell phones w/ cingular. it was a gift from me to my sisses in NC a long time ago so that we can keep in touch. I like to keep them up-to-date, so now they are getting the new camera flip phone with all these other extra capabilities, while i'm stuck calling out on the square wheel...
just my luck, i think as i laugh at the end of blind date tonite...that show is so my life, just without the date!!
and on that note, that guy who gave me the ride yesterday, kinda waited for me after class tonite. how shall i screw this up...let me ponder the ways...

BS and that's not bullshit...

so it's been a flattering okay day thus far. This weekend i received the postcard (poor thing traveled all over R-side before it made it to my new residence) letting me know that my diploma was finally (literally, finally) ready to pick up. or i could have them mail it to me for $3.50. no thank you, I'll keep my gas money...
So i go & pick it up this morning. the lady was quite cordial (gasp! she is obviously new and hasn't attended the mandatory training that lays the foundation for front-counter bitchiness towards all students).
kinda funny, on the way back from that office, some undergrad (cute little guy...aka too young for me!) goes, "how's it going, cutie?" i smile. i like those comments. it's only cuz i was lookin leggy today...a real adventurous accomplishment when you're only 5'6" (while everyone swears you're 5'4", but what do they know? they weren't there in 12th grade when you registered as almost 66" at your soccer physical).
doesn't matter, i still am dressed up. even the ones i deem as "ghetto guys" are suckers for the professional look.
Case in point...walked into my data entry (slack) job the other nite, wearing what i wore to my 1st job because i had no time to run home and become superbum ghetto girl. Anyway, i hear one of the guys go,"damn, mmmm mmmm (and not campbell's soup!!), that business look gets me every time." he says this before backing up his forklift to load the next batch of doors (BEEP BEEEP BEEEP)...
and our future slowly fades...
yeah, whatever.
interesting, i also received a postcard from an ex this weekend, an ex that lives about 30 minutes away... i really didn't get it. it was a photoshop edited pic of n sync, but he replaced Justin w/ his own mug. so, justin's still cute, so i still don't get it. honestly, i really don't care either. but most everything is worth mentioning...well, almost everything...

italicize this

finally back from study session, etc... only a couple individuals showed up, but i think (crosses fingers) that it will prove worthwhile.
now a note on my stupid cell phone. it's bad enough that i get no reception in my apartment, but now my phone has decided to hide my messages from me. This is even better than the time it ate my outgoing voicemail message or even the multiple times it has decided not to recognize the option # button I am trying to choose. "I'm pressing #1, play my message dammit!!" or "#7delete, #7delete, #7delete....damn..."
This is why t-mobile had better be shipping my replacement this week. 7-10 business days...or whatever their accounting magicians have established saves them the most financially in concert with the approval of the marketing department, as I'm sure retaining customers is a concern. They can retain my ass for all I care, just as long as I am able to pay for a phone that actually works. i know, what a concept. take note.
i also got lucky (minds out of the gutter now, kids) because one of the guys gave me a ride to my car, which was surprisingly close (go fig...the day i have a shuttle, I actually have a decent space). Probably has something to do with visting the library on the weekend.
anyway, i think he actually waited for me to get in my car and start it b4 he pulled away. kinda nice. or maybe he was just looking for cds...but whatever. i got a ride, and in my world that's right up there with whatever else is near the top of my list. again, whatever...

me, myself, and him?

if there is a god, then he must truly think he is his own gift to the world!
how scandelous....throwing me in all these pools way over my head and yelling, "learn to swim or you're gonna drown!"
silly man, you underestimate how long i can tread water...

do unto others...

i should be a little more considerate and not try to post so many "writing poetry" attempts. oh well, whatever. my page, no harm.
off to read, write, etc. well, after i listen to "she will be loved" one more time.
i really mite get cable soon...but probably not, being the cheapo (aka...exhausted, overworked, underpaid MBA student w/ enough bills & prior committments as it is) that i am...

untitled

insane memories
from the ripped pages of a little girl's heart
ripped apart
by the shame that tames
her conscience
throughout the darkness
waves of light wash aside
as her mind turns old
soul's turned cold
as her nite falls boldly
beneath the depths of hate she reveals
the world destroyed
becomes a place to live again

understatement

Sometimes a feeling
is more than I need to feel
more than I deserve
She chose her own too soon
indebted to the moon
She dies
every day
while she cries
She cries inside
for someone to understand
someone to believe
Then, someone understands
and that someone tends to leave
or deceive
whatever kills her faster
to them she's dying
his tears fake crying
now dead she's lying
and again,
no one will understand

the next day

you start to think
that's all she wrote
then he
calls for her attention
once more
he's got a sentence
no one's ever said
no one's ever heard
no one really dies,
so she thought.
So then she thought.

out, damn spot

so it's sunday and i only wrote half of that "damn" paper last nite. not much left. shouldn't be bad. plus, over the years, i've almost perfected this mutant ability to write 3-5 pages with minimal brain activity. i think my neurons maintain its equivalence to a sunny day sneeze. This is probably only applicable to a few, as i have only met one other person in my entire life who is also "allergic to the sun" (aka, sneezing everytime u walk outside & it's sunny). Honestly, don't be worried, it's not some weird new ailment. but i am also highly inclined to believe that this one other individual was faking. but watever, som people like to create their own drama...
alas, i have about an hour 2 read b4 i have to meet a study group in the (AAAHHHHH!!!) library. gulp. must mean i hav an exam next week... good thing i don't stress. i just tell people i work very well under pressure (really, it's not exactly procrastination...)
I can never remember the name of 1 of the girls who is probably going to be there. she has introduced herself time and time again, and every time i remember thinking, "she really does look like a ____". damn, can't remember now either.
i also think i'm cool, because i spit on a candle to put it out this morning....well, 4th time was the charm (always gotta be the exception...)

such a rude awakening

ok. ok. i'm awake. fell asleep for almost 2 hours.
and because i am now awake, i must write this damn paper. no use in putting it off one more nite, though the thought is ever so tempting...

i also realized earlier today that it is sometimes impossible to find a blog worth reading. my apologies for however the hell you ended up here - i really hope you weren't looking for content. Please. i might as well be writing this to myself, as my only visitors are myself and a couple people who like to point out my spelling errors, etc!! For which i am grateful, as i do not proofread my own posts. so it helps me to not appear so much the court jestor's little idiot friend.

i actually woke up laughing a few minutes ago; i forgot i changed my answering machine and a friend just called. i ignored the ringing phone- that's child's play. but then i hear myself say, "Thank you for calling the state of CA, please hold for the next available representative..."
oh yeah, i can be a smart dumbass or vice versa...

d o double g

so i used to listen to my snoop dogg. but now, it's truly a comedy. when did he decide to "fall off" in the industry.
he's never been a sight for sore eyes, etc... but, come on, he is with anyone and everyone rapping about anything and nothing all at the same time.
really, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. but before you attempt to say i'm wrong, please force yourself to listen to "snooperella" and the new "drop it like it's hot" over and over... by the way, what was pherrel thinking??
Even though this may be my first post on music, I am in no means narrowminded on the matter. I honestly listen to just about anything & everything out there. A long time ago, someone started making me mixed tapes to open my eyes, and though it's a bit late I do appreciate that gesture.
I do.
it's always the littlest things i miss and those are the ones i took for granted...

garden

she walks the corridor
built for two
she makes the look
that makes her perfect
unreliable garden
turns home into Eden
snakes bite heavily
and
gravity fails to compromise
the daisies
(so they continue to grow
in this forbidden
garden)

silk

my life gets down
I drag all that I can
give you my world
you take all that you can
give you my world
it's not much in your eyes
it's not enough
give you my world
you take all that you can
and I'm still
laying still
so quiet, so still
you take
even though I gave you this world
inside of me

exposed

to write
is sometimes wrong
undisclosed
upon those lips of sin
I kiss
drawing my last breaths
through
from this one life
acceptance nears
innocence exposed
yet I am no more

animal

they're sending him to a fat farm
he's a little different
so he can't live with us
anymore
she's stuck inside herself
trapped for another
they're sending her to a brain feast
she's a little different
so she can't live with us
anymore
it's a crazy nitemare
different
every nite
but crazy to mine
another one for the world
it is I
it was mine
they dance to his words
and I around
and between
it seems perfect to him
blown away
and everyone else screams

can't i just get along?

halloween is only about a week away and I am feeling considerably insufficient. days are no more my own.
people act like they don't understand how (while i simultaneously wonder why) i do all i do. it's easy. i'm stretched and i've no reasons for not being so. you may have a family, that's more than a job any day. maybe a hobby or an interest or two or three. i have busy.
it's sort of a choice, as i'm trying to get things done....but where am i going when i'm "done" this time? I can't build a relationship, i can't focus on things i desire. and i desire to focus quite often.
i want those time consuming lifelike benefits that make people wonder "how?".
guess it's my time to do a little de-construction. maybe starting with that damn wall that i've made so strong around me (around my heart).

building the better society...

so let's review the conversation I just overheard at one of the kajillion construction sites near my office...
"John!"
"Yeah?" (I assume this is john responding...)
"What are they sandblasting today?"
"Yeah?"
"John! What are they sandblasting today?!"
"Who?"

and that's all i heard. not sure if i should be worried yet or not.

people ignoring people ignoring people watching me

Stupid notebook. I'm in college, not wide. now my writing looks even smaller in these rules.
oh well, another day another notebook another quest for that enchanted parking space.
yep, I'm pretty much running a campus shuttle service now...."Xcuse me, are you parked in the gold general spaces in the very very very way back? you are? can i give you a ride to your car in Xchange for your space? thanks, i really appreciate it..." press rewind if the answer's no.
i have the feeling some people are ignoring me. i can't prove it because i hardly talk to them either. it's a vibe i guess.

damn

life threw me lemons. so i made lemonade. but i'm out of sugar.
and that rainy-looking day finally rained. alllll nite and alllll day and allll on me.
and that's when they asked if I'd be interested in another position opening. ummm, yeah, sure...that was my intention the entire time i applied & interviewed for this one. i must be soooooooo transparent.
damn, where's that sour lemon water now...

hercules, hercules

I want to go somewhere nice. maybe greece. it has islands; i like islands...
plus, they say cool things there like "learn for life, not for exams".

here's your sign

never charge to malice and forethought that which can be attributed to incompetence.
i like that. i heard a version today. it's a rainy looking day.

webster

a list of words
it's so absurd
to think I'll write the one
that calms the world
and seizes fate
before I come undone.

beautiful

a beautiful death
for a beautiful dreamer
and I cry at nite
while I should be dreaming
for a beautiful dreamer
to show him to myself
a beautiful death
an accident, nonetheless
now I wait
to wake or not
in the arms of my beautiful dreamer

simplicity

life runs readily among so many
yet I am touched by no angel
or thoughts
other than expiration
My only hope
leaves me
thoughtless
and so emotional
he leaves, nonetheless
as I grieve
expecting
a miracle

okra doesn't have a bone...

so it's weird dream time, welcome to the show...
I dreamt i was parking my car in the big parking lot at work. However, after i park, I find myself walking into my grandparent's house. They live in NC, I work in CA. interesting...
All throughout the walk, people are complimenting my (not real-life) license plates on my car. Front & back read, "THURSDAY".
So i'm walking in my g-parent's house and i see that my little sisters are there. I also begin to wait for an ex b-friend who should be there soon. I walk into the restroom, where the rest of the adventure unfolds...
Now, apparently, my g-parent's now (in dreamworld) have a closet where the shower use to be. They also are missing the bottom of the door; i notice as my ex crawls under it. The top part of the mirror in the door opens like a speakeasy.
My ex compliments my mascara and we hug (who notices mascara?!).
My g-mother comes to the "speakeasy" to inquire what we want for dinner. She says one of the girls wants okra, but the kind with dye because the dye preserves the flavor near the bone. I said i would find something, and for her not to worry about preparing something separate.
that's when i wake up. and it's not even til now that i question okra having a bone. all kinds of inconsistencies make sense in your sleep i guess.

i want to be swept away

"show me a well-adjusted, successful man who wants to settle down and have kids, and I'm not interested, but find me an alcoholic in his midthirties that still thinks his band might make it, and just tell me where i can show up and buy him dinner."
need i quote more?
i meet the most wonderful company in my dreams. last nite was no exception. a creative voice who wants me as the queen i wish to be. again, i love to dream.
another reason insomnia is not a welcome guest.
echoes guide me to believe that soon enough will be perfect timing. but i am left to wonder and wander with too much effort. it may just as likely be the wrong approach. but is no approach a way to achieve?
and still, these currents and waves surround me,
as i long to be a part of the swept away.

it seemed nice at first

funny, i have no idea what this title means. even better, i thought of it while i slept. I dreamt someone hacked my blog (how lame...) and this is the title they chose.
i like my dreams. so not typical. i never hit the ground when i fall. in fact, i never get hurt. at all. wonder what that means, wonderwoman...
I have been in plane crashes, car crashes, drownings, and fallen from buildings and/or cliffs on numerous occasions. yet i always walk away. well, that's what i can't do. i can't walk in my dreams. ever. i always feel heavy. and sluggish. what kind of lazy superhuman am i!?
i am also extremely clumsy. i constantly knock everything down around me. I trip. i spill things. this is every nite at least. i also make weird faces. i always feel uneasy in my dreams if i am able to see myself. i'm always out of place.
what a great catch i'll be, someday. A neverending superhuman who moves at the speed of a snail with the physical coordination skills of a drunken monkey who thinks he can twirl batons and shuffle cards at the same time while drinking his "diet coke" and coloring by numbers...
yeah, i guess it did seem nice at first...

seacrest out

I am so annoyed by spam mail now. I used to laugh at some of the insane/funny/nasty subjects, but now i cringe when i open up my mail to find over 300...a day. Even worse, a portion (large portion, mind you) of school messages are automatically forwarded to my "bulk" spam mailbox. yep, it's real fun trying to sort those out.
I almost dislike spam as much as i dislike hearing ryan seacrest say, "i think i love you" a million times every hour.

spies

do you hear words
or do you play the music
that is the chain
that
links us all
in
awkward positions
and
turns our heads
when we
never meant
to look

the holding cell

it's so crowded in here and there's so many beautiful people,
beautiful faces.
why am i standing here? am i standing?
I can't believe much. where are all these bodies from?
"are you almost ready," she asks me.
ready for what, i wonder. I'd know that strawberry lipgloss anywhere.
everywhere.
Again, I wonder where i am. How i wish i could say. I recognize no one, but i am not scared.
I've spoken to no one, but i do not feel alone.
should i be hot? i'm not.
i can't see the walls. i can't see the lights. and everyone is still beautiful.
all this glitter. and a man in his robe. and a little girl.
she's not crying.
what kind of party is this? what kind of space attracts so many people who seemingly love each other's company? and i still am not concerned.
last, i was near sleep.
under covers,
breathing slowly and slower.
i'm still not hot. this place is flooded with people.
have i died? is this the death i've feared for so many years?
fear does not even begin to explain something so overwhelming.
did she take all those pills? maybe i needed them, too.
maybe i needed this effect.
or maybe i am dying and all these people needed something as well. maybe that's how we're coordinating as this unique puzzle.
i'm a piece. in pieces.
what happens now?
will i hurt or have i already forgotten some instance of transitional pain?
i can't move myself to ask a soul.
a soul. i can barely move myself.
i am such a complicated drifter. and i do not worry that i have no lipgloss.
strawberry.
my chest still flutters with life.
is this forever? is this where everything closes?
Where are my flashes of grandeur moments, my fear, my goddamned tunnel of light?
is there not a point where i choose to proceed?
why does this not scare me? have i forgotten my death?
this could be the calm after the storm.
or maybe it's calm before the storm in this waiting room.
so many faces. maybe i should watch. i should.
i should
watch to see who disappears.

i guess i do know what love is

just got an email from my mom. real short. she misses and loves me.
now i have this feeling that someone's thinking about me and it feels nice.
i like that.
well, of course, her ulterior motive was to make me a little homesick so that I would visit more often...but she's allowed. she is mom.

If the world were a village of 1,000 people ...

<>...it would include 584 Asians, 124 Africans, 95 East and West Europeans, 84 Latin Americans, 55 Soviets (including for the moment Lithuanians, Latvians, Estonians and other national groups), 52 North Americans, 6 Australians and New Zealanders
Communication would be difficult, because 165 people speak Mandarin, 86 English, 83 Hindi/Urdu, 64 Spanish, 58 Russian, 37 Arabic, and the rest would speak over 200 other languages.
There would be 329 Christians (among them 187 Catholics, 84 Protestants, 31 Orthodox), 178 Moslems, 167 "non-religious", l32 Hindus, 60 Buddhists, 45 atheists, 3 Jews, 86 all other religions

• 330 children. Half the children are immunized against preventable infectious diseases such as measles and polio.
• 60 people are over the age of 65
• This year, 28 babies will be born. Ten people will die, 3 of them for lack of food, 1 from cancer, 2 of the deaths are of babies born within the year. One person of the 1,000 is infected with the HIV virus; that person most likely has not yet developed a full-blown case of AIDS.
• With the 28 births and 10 deaths, the population of the village next year will be 1,018.
• In this 1,000-person community, 200 people receive 75 percent of the income; another 200 receive only 2 percent of the income.
• Only 70 people of the 1,000 own an automobile (although some of the 70 own more than one automobile).
• About one-third have access to clean, safe drinking water.
• Of the 670 adults in the village, half are illiterate.

This is compliments of my textbook. what a small world after all.

daydream

i want to wrap you up inside
and surround me
...yet neither knows the other exists...

breed

only the greatest seem the worse
see the worst
it's merely a curse
a life of experience
all of these charms
I hold, so generous
to each and all
I call
and beckon the lots
(people that surround me)
and stare uneasily
at this dance of chance
perhaps, of silence
and truth feels
a penance
it should owe to me
as truth owns me
while watching her undeserved penalty
for thoughts too deep
to seep
into the minds of those
truth creeps
hoping they will see
hopefully
an execption to the breed

refraction

Naked, foolish face,
you stare at me
with no choice
from your Shiny realms
of withdrawal.
You cannot close your eyes
my eyes.
You disguise yourself as disgust
and
watch my every move against your will.
I will.
You will.
Overcome this curse they've blessed us with.

cinderella

you think a watchful eye
in a little room
will evade my doom.
Catching death is a breeze
a sinful wind
of air
that I breathe again
and again.
A youthful mind
with thoughts too sharp
to sink,
too proud to bring upon this riot
I lead in my sleep.
I need
if you still have to believe
in the angel to conceive
To even think a watchful eye
in this goddamned little room
shall evade my doom...

strangers saying bless you

wonder what they'd say should they discover that the smartest people i know are atheists. go fig

the piano man said/did what?

oh, nevermind. billy joel is the piano man & i'm thinking of elton john. Sir elton likes to entertain me recently. all kinds of outbursts & a crack on madonna? what is he thinkgin/drinking/smoking? (and where can i get some...)
come to think of it, joel is in the news as well. needless to say, he is now married to a little hottie close to his daughter's age...

what kind of fool...

...do you think i am? geez...at least proofread your insanely ridiculous spams before distributing...or wait, maybe i should be sad, as i have lost many relatives i've never heard of!

Dear Ms. XX,
I am Barrister Rex Dickson,a Solicitor at law, I am the Personal
Attorney to a national of your country, who used to work with Shell Development,Company in Nigeria.On the 21st of April 2001,my
client,his wife and the three children were involved in a air crash .Unfortunately they all lost their lives in the event of the accident, since then I have made several inquiries to their Embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this Has also proved nsuccessful.After these several Unsuccessful attempts,i decided to trace his Relatives, to locate any member of His family but of no avail, hence I contacted you since you bear the same surname to my late client. I contacted you to assist in repatriating the money in ddition,property left behind by my client before they get Confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank Where this huge deposits were lodged. Particularly,the Bank
where the deceased had an account valued at about US$8.5million
dollars.Consequently,The bank issued me a notice to provide The next of kin or have the account confiscated within The next ten official working days. Since I have been Unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now,I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased, regardless of your country, with your name/address, some vitals will be obtained on your favor which
will back you as the next of kin the deceased. The proceeds of this account valued at US$8.5 Million dollars can be paid to you and then you and me can share according to how much percentage you will decide to take on negotiation,while we will set aside 5% to pay back for any expenses or tax as your government may require.I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up a ny claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through.I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please Reply urgentlly to Enable us discuss further.This is my alternative email address:rexdicksoned@mail2world.com. PLEASE CALL FOR MORE DETAILS ON TELPHONE OR YOU FORWARD TO ME YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER FOR MORE DETAILS.NUMERS:234-80-330-27246

Best regards,

Barrister Rex Dickson

almost love

Nothing quite so striking
ever held amazement
in their eyes,
as you place in mine.
Nothing quite so real
could ever feel
as necessary as you
Hold true to me.
I am given away to belief-
shown to believe-
in the love you keep by me.

realization

visions of fear
penetrate through dreams,
no limbs, no wings,
to retrieve sanity.
her sleep induced escape
fails once again
to render the courage complete.
This search for fear
creates a purpose for the dream.
it's all it seems
she can do.
and to her lonely eyes,
it's all that seems to be true-
and all that seems to die.

junk-in-the-box

Oh Your God, Jack has truly outdone himself with his manly man happy meal commercial. I swear, I lose it every time I hear that guy go, "tire chains!"
...i shudder to think what this says about me...

round 1

4 bodies sit before me.
2 seem to surround me, 2 in front.
I wait patiently for each sentence to be over.
I wait for this 1 half hour to end.
3 minutes later, it seems more like 3 years have
passed me by.
To make excuses is childish.
To kiss them is tragic.
To be patient may be just enough to earn 1 more half
hour,
4 days later if I hurry.
To be judged or to be a Princess on display?
1 more time I will think all about it.
After I thank them for their precious time.

butterfly

I crawl quietly by a creeping devil,
somewhat incredible
to my mind.
I stare lazily
at the haze he's made for me,
such a generous crime.
manual labor,
half-hearted endeavor,
it's about that time
for me to dance
with thoughts of chance,
as my mind meets my demise.

craze

crazy ways
see crazy days
and she becomes them
hindered by sight
sites
blinded by wounds
wound up
bound to be her imagination
bound to her image
smiles fade
and crazy becomes faces
she faces
and crazy waves
good-bye

honestly...

I am the most inept person when it comes to dealing with relationships and their possibilities. As soon as i meet someone, i convince myself it cannot possibly result in forever. I can make up this whole adventure and it always ends (in the negatve, nonetheless).
classic example.
i am introduced to this rather cute new programmer analyst earlier today. err, yesterday by now.
To top it off, he repeats my name back as "tina" which is not even close to my real name...
so either:
1) he is completely stunned by my beauty (yeah, rigth!)
2) he wasn't paying attention at all
or
3) he happened to notice the piece of hair that was driving me crazy because it won't quite tuck behind my ear and he was distracted
either way, i decided he was probably too young and probably living with his fiance....

why do i need pockets that do not work?

no, seriously. i've always noticed them, but i've never tried to use them before....until today....dum dum dum!
there's 2 pockets, actual pockets, on the front of my pants. they are so actually pocket-like that i have to straighten them from the inside every time i put them on.
so then today, i'm thinking, "my hands are kinda busy-full and i should put my id access card in either pocket- it should fit perfectly."
but alas! it seems, for some odd reason, that my pants were unable to accomodate this request...as the pockets are sewn closed!
what exactly is the logic in this? why have an inside filled with air & sewn shut!? i will have to now lengthen my list of "things i do not & probably will not ever, never understand".
today is a interesting day. interesting indeed.